


Do It for the Bagels

by sylviarachel



Category: You Could Make a Life Series - Taylor Fitzpatrick
Genre: Gen, Hockey social media, correct latke opinions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28412289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylviarachel/pseuds/sylviarachel
Summary: FromHobgoblin Holiday Cheer: “ One year, there was a Jewish intern working on the Canucks social media team, and she and Gabe had been forced—well, bribed with boxes of frozen Gryfe’s bagels—to play dreidel on camera and discuss “healthy” latke recipes until Gabe snapped and revealed his real opinion of “healthy” latkes. Stephen still hasn’t stopped laughing about the result.)”This is that video.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	Do It for the Bagels

**Author's Note:**

  * For [turifer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/turifer/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Hobgoblin Holiday Cheer](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28367946) by [sylviarachel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylviarachel/pseuds/sylviarachel). 



> turifer beta-read Hobgoblin Holiday Cheer and said, you should write that next!
> 
> Oops. I did.

_Title: CanucksTV presents…_

_Title: Nuck vs Nuck: Seasonal Shenanigans_

**Voiceover:** Today on Nucks TV, our guests are #53, Gabe Markson, and Intern Emma from the Analytics team! 

_Graphic overlay:  
_ _Gabe M.  
_ _Position: Center  
_ _Hometown: Toronto, ON  
_ _Fave non-hockey team: [Toronto Blue Jays logo]_

_VS_

_Emma W.  
_ _Position: Analytics & Social Media_  
_Hometown: Richmond, BC  
_ _Fave non-hockey team: [Seattle Storm logo]_

**Voiceover:** How are you doing today?

 **Gabe** : Good, thanks! [ _Waves cheerfully at camera]_

 **Emma** : Hi! _[Waves at camera, somewhat tentative]_

 **Voiceover** : It’s almost Hanukkah, so we’ve got some Hanukkah activities for you guys today! 

_**Gabe** and **Emma** look at each other, humorously resigned to their fate. _

_Cut to: **Emma** and **Gabe** seated on high stools on either side of a cruiser table. Between them are a large wooden dreidel and a bowl of foil-wrapped chocolate coins. _

**Gabe** : Markson house rules say the youngest spins first, so go ahead!

 **Emma** : _[laughs]_ At my house we do rock-paper-scissors for the first spin, but I’m not gonna argue! 

**Gabe** : Okay, one big equals two little?

 **Emma** : … okay? [slapshot sound effect], we forgot to actually give ourselves any gelt.

_**Gabe** dumps out the bowl, spilling chocolate coins all over the table and onto the floor. _

**Gabe** : Oops.

_Cut to: overhead shot of the table. The coins are now in 3 piles, one for each of them and the third back in the bowl._

**Gabe** : Whew, okay. Spin!

 **Emma** : Woot!

 _She spins the dreidel, and sings_ Svivon Sov Sov Sov _very fast under her breath._

_The dreidel spins right off the edge of the table and lands on the floor. **Emma** and **Gabe** burst out laughing. **Gabe** leans down to grab it and almost falls on the floor too. _

**Voiceover** _[a different voice, deadpan]_ : Wow, that could in no way have been predicted by the laws of physics. 

_Cut to: **Gabe** and **Emma** sitting across the table again. This time there is a barrier of Canucks-branded pucks all around the edge of the table. _

**Emma** : Okay, here I go!

_She spins the dreidel again._

**Emma** : WOOT! Gimel, baby!

_She dumps all the coins from the bowl onto her own pile._

**Gabe** : Crap, we forgot to establish rules for refilling the pot.

_Cut to: Gabe spinning the dreidel._

**Gabe** : Aw, man. Shin _again?_ Is this thing loaded?

 **Voiceover** : Okay, folks, that was the gambling part of today’s episode. Now on to the food!

_Cut to: **Gabe** and **Emma** sitting on barstools at a kitchen island. On the worktop in front of them are plates of … something vaguely resembling latkes. Artistically arranged to either side are several zucchini, a head of cauliflower, a bunch of carrots, some yellow onions, and some mixing bowls. _

**Voiceover** : Next we’re going to talk about latkes! Now, latkes are traditionally made from potatoes and pan-fried in oil, but our team nutritionist has some opinions about fried potatoes, so Gabe and Emma will be taste-testing some more healthy alternatives.

_Cut to: close-up of one of the plates_

_Graphic overlay: oven-baked zucchini-carrot latkes [Canucks blue arrow pointing to one of the items on the plate]_

_Cut to: **Gabe** looking dubiously at his plate. _

_**Gabe** picks up a fork, cuts a piece off the latke, and dutifully chews it. He swallows, then pastes on a smile. _

**Gabe** : Yum!

_**Emma** laughs at him. _

_Graphic overlay: oven-baked parsnip and sweet potato latkes [Canucks blue arrow pointing to another item on the plate]_

_**Emma** takes a bite, chews, swallows, and takes another bite. _

**Emma** : You know what, this is actually not bad.

 _**Gabe** takes a bite of his serving, and makes a _ hmmmmm _face._

 **Voiceover** : And finally…

_Graphic overlay: Keto-friendly cauliflower latkes [Canucks blue arrow pointing to the last item on the plate]_

**Gabe** : … Okay, no.

 **Emma** _[slightly alarmed]:_ I mean, the last one was okay…?

_**Gabe** prods at the cauliflower latke with his fork. _

**Emma** _[whispering]:_ C’mon, do it for the bagels!

_**Gabe** sighs. _

**Gabe** : Fine. 

_He points his fork at the camera._

**Gabe** : You owe me, Karina.

_**Gabe** cuts off a very small piece of keto-friendly “latke” and puts it in his mouth. He chews. He looks deeply unimpressed. _

_He swallows._

**Gabe** : You _really_ owe me, Karina.

 **Karina** [ _off camera]_ : It’s cauliflower! I am reliably informed that you _like_ cauliflower. 

**Gabe** : I— that’s not—

 **Gabe** : Look, the whole _point_ of latkes is they’re fried in oil. That’s what Chanukah food _is._

_He stands up, looking increasingly passionate._

**Gabe** : Latkes and sufganiyot 

_Title: Sufganiyot are jam-filled yeast donuts. Our nutritionists have strong feelings about them, too._

are traditional _because they’re fried in oil._ The oil is the _point_ , that’s the connection to the holiday. 

_**Gabe** starts gesticulating. **Emma** looks torn between running away and bursting out laughing. _

**Gabe** : And listen, I’m as much in favour of healthy eating as anybody, but you can’t just _bake globs of cauliflower in the oven_ and call them latkes, that _[points to plate]_ is _not a latke_ , latkes are _fried_ and they are made of _potatoes_ and that is _final_. It’s once a year, people! Fry the freaking potatoes!!

_The video freezes frame on **Gabe** standing in front of the kitchen island, gesturing wildly, with **Emma** cackling in the background. _

**Voiceover** : And there you have it, folks! We’ll see you next time for Christmas cookie decorating with Dmitry Kurmazov and Max Garmin!

**Author's Note:**

> In case you thought I was making up the cauliflower “latkes”, I invite you to Google “keto-friendly latkes” and experience the horrifying recipes that result.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Hanukkanyounot](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28487442) by [turifer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/turifer/pseuds/turifer)




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